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Wednesday, November 14, 2012


A quote I got from reading my social psych e-book (which I'm using for the meantime) today:

"When a feeling was there, they felt as if it
 would never go; when it was gone, they felt as if it 
had never been; when it returned, they felt as if it 
had never gone."
-George Macdonald, What's Mine's Mine, 1886

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Third year face

3rd year college self
(1st semester)

Hello, November self

NOVEMBER -- the second to the last month of the year lang naman. The month where my year's resolutions overwhelm me with a depressing thought: I haven't accomplished any of them, including this blog, which has been gathering a few cobwebs over the last months.

2012 has been a good year for me, although there weren't too much of adventures and new stuff that I can brag about. Personally, this year has been the year were I found myself hiding in my own shadow, too afraid to be in the lime light, mostly because of insecurity and fear of failure. I've been acing up my grades, no problem with that, but I'm left behind in experiences. Trying to explain it in personality psychology (I can't really specify what theory though), would lead you to believe that the problem will all point back to me. In clinical psychology, maybe I have a mental disorder or something... could be my neuroticism is too high now! *shudder* Looking at it at a social psychological perspective, maybe I'm just in the wrong environment or people. Sigh.

I've been subconsciously and often intentionally surrounded myself with negativity, especially when it comes to my self-esteem. "I'm not good with this", "I can't do that!", "Kaganda niya!", "I'm so fat/ugly/dumb" are just some of the phrases I usually use to shove myself to the pit of low self-esteem.

Relationship-wise, I'm in the best romantic relationship I have ever had in my entire life. It's just that all the time I'm too insecure to fully grasp and experience that fact. I'm not insecure with our relationship, I'm insecure with myself. It's not like highschool though that I'm paranoid and crazy over the girls he talks to. It's simple self-esteem issues. Just me. I keep comparing myself to other people, I realize that this just eats me up, stop for a while, and I repeat the cycle all over again. ANO BA TO, FOREVER NALANG AKO INSECURE SA AKING SARILI? WHAT IS HAPPENING

Don't mind this. Just needed to vent. Hehe